Sword Of The Lord With Electronic Edge

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Bill Zeller: The Programmer’s Last Words | ThirdAge

Bill Zeller: The Programmer’s Last Words | ThirdAge: "“My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation.

“This darkness followed me as I grew up. I remember spending hours playing with legos, having my world consist of me and a box of cold, plastic blocks. Just waiting for everything to end. It’s the same thing I do now, but instead of legos it’s surfing the web or reading or listening to a baseball game. Most of my life has been spent feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up.

“The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I’m trapped in a contimated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can’t concentrate on anything else."


Johnmeister said...

You really are going against the wishes of Bill Zeller by posting just a piece of his suicide note. He explicitly asked that the note be printed in whole ONLY.

Here is the whole note:

News Hound said...

Thank you for the link to the complete note.
I do not believe posting a link with a portion of text is a violation of anyone's wishes. I have included a link within the body of story.

Anonymous said...

The author of this article fails to mention BIll Zeller clearly states in his suicide letter how his fundamentalist Christian father George Zeller pastor of Middletown Bible Church lead an abusive home and chose God over his own families well being. Bill's family was so blinded by their "Christian" radical beliefs, racism, and fanatical control over him he never got a normal life. His abuser was either his own father or fellow church pastor. It is so sad the media discounts how the Fundamentalist born again hate mungers are just as much responsible for his abusive childhood as the abuser.

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